cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
