What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
