I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize