i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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