please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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