can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
