Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
