What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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