Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
