When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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