Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
