Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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