It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize