how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
