So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
