Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
