did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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