I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
