What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
