tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
