Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
