I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I believe in your delicious
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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