that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
