I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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