You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize