I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
