I just threw up on my dentist
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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