I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize