She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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