i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
