I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
