i just wanna soil my oats bro
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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