OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
