Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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