I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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