This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
