i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
