I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
