Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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