508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize