Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
