At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
And then he peed in my hair
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