Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
