dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
