Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
