just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Randomize
