not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
