Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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