conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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