also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
