Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
