"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize