It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
