When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
