Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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