Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
