So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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