I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
