i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Randomize
