yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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