I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
