Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
